Usually I choose subjects that are light hearted or random information centric. I truly do like to learn new things, as my mind tends to be inquisitive, and then share whatever random piece of information I’ve learned with you the reader.
With the holidays approaching, however, I thought I’d take this opportunity to get serious and talk about giving. My faith teaches me that we are to give of our time, our talents, and our tithe. Most faiths, if not all, teach an obligation to take care of those in our society less fortunate.
I wanted to tell you about a small nursing home in my community. It is a 54 bed facility. My daughter is the HR Director there. She kept coming home and telling about the residents that occupy those rooms. They are Medicare/ Medicaid, beyond impoverished, and literally have nothing. I mean nothing.
She kept coming home and telling me, “Mother, you have got to do something to help these people”. She would tell me specific stories about residents with no shoes or ragged clothes. Most the occupants have no family, no friends. No one. No one visits, no one fights for them, no one takes care of their basic needs. No one. May none of us ever end up this alone.
So yesterday my daughter and I took a big bottle of punch and two containers of cookies and we went and sat in the cafeteria. I got to meet some of the most interesting and colorful people. I met a school teacher, a church cook and choir member, an elderly gentleman that might have been in the legal field, a mother, and a truck driver. The others I don’t know yet, but have made it my personal quest to find out about each of their lives. I want to give them all voices.
I’ve started putting together care packages and hopefully can help provide for some basic needs. We’re not wealthy by any means, but Sam Walton has done a great job creating an empire of affordable goods, i.e. got some great deals at WalMart. I’m also reaching out to our friends and churches in the neighborhood and asking them to do the same thing.
Why do I tell you all this? It’s certainly not to boast. My reason is twofold. One, I wanted to tell you how insanely easy it was to put it all together. I just had to take the time to do it. Second, I wanted to challenge you to do the same. Find your place, that place in the community that needs a touch, a voice, a hand, a hug.
Don’t assume someone is already helping. They’re not. They thought you were doing it. Oops. Funny how it works that way… Make this Thanksgiving and Christmas about giving. Help someone find a voice.
Let me know what you find. What you are doing this holiday season to make the world a better place? Facebook me and tell me your story. Choose to give.
What organized giving looks like when you scale it up
An informal visit with punch and cookies is the easiest kind of giving to begin and the hardest to sustain alone. Most people who keep at it eventually attach themselves to something with a schedule, whether that is a congregation, a service club or a facility’s own volunteer coordinator. The structure is not bureaucracy for its own sake; it is what keeps a good intention alive past January.
Volunteering is measured nationally, and the figures show how ordinary the practice is. The Census Bureau’s reporting on volunteering and civic life in America tracks both formal volunteering through organizations and the informal help neighbors give each other directly. Informal help turns out to be far more common than the formal kind, which is worth remembering for anyone who assumes that helping requires an application.
Residents of long-term care are among the least visited groups in that picture. Facilities set their own visiting policies, and a call to the administrator before arriving saves everyone trouble. Staff usually know exactly which residents have no visitors and what is genuinely needed.
Consistency turns out to matter more than scale. A visitor who appears on the same afternoon each week becomes part of a resident’s calendar, something to anticipate rather than a pleasant surprise that never repeats. Facilities generally value that predictability far above a single large delivery of goods at the holidays.
Three ways to help, and what each one costs you
People tend to give whichever of these comes most naturally and then feel guilty about the other two. There is no need. The three forms do different work, and organizations need all of them.
| Consideration | Time | Goods | Money |
|---|---|---|---|
| What it provides | Company, attention, continuity | Specific items a resident lacks | Flexibility for the staff |
| Main constraint | Scheduling and consistency | Storage, sizes, facility rules | Trust in how it is used |
| Best when | You can return regularly | You have asked what is missing | Needs change faster than you can respond |
| Common mistake | One visit, never repeated | Donating what you wanted to clear out | Giving without asking what it funds |
Practical notes before you show up
A few questions asked in advance make the difference between a welcome visit and an awkward one. None of them require any special knowledge of care facilities.
- Ask the administrator what the facility can accept, and whether food brought from outside is permitted.
- Ask about dietary restrictions before bringing anything edible, since many residents have them.
- Ask whether alcohol is allowed on the premises. In most residential care settings it is restricted or prohibited outright, and it can conflict with medication.
- Ask which sizes and items are actually short, rather than guessing from a general list.
- Ask whether a regular day of the week suits the staff, so visits fit their routine instead of interrupting it.
Holiday hosting and the giving impulse
The season concentrates both hospitality and generosity, and the two overlap more than people notice. A table set for guests and a care package assembled for strangers come from the same instinct to make someone feel expected rather than tolerated. The scale differs; the gesture does not.
Children take to the second kind of giving surprisingly readily when it is concrete. Assembling a package of socks, toiletries and a written note gives them something to hand over in person, which lands differently than a check written by an adult. Many families find that a single afternoon spent this way becomes the part of the holiday everyone remembers.
If your own holiday planning runs to the table rather than the community center, our notes on choosing wine for celebrations and the wider archive of hot topics from the club’s writers cover the hosting side of the season. Both were written while the club was still shipping, and they read now as a record of how its writers thought about gathering people around a table.
FAQ: giving locally during the holidays
How do I find a facility that needs help?
Local social service agencies, congregations and the facilities themselves all keep lists of unmet needs. A direct call to a nearby nursing home or shelter usually produces a more accurate answer than any online directory.
Is it better to give money or goods?
Money is more flexible and lets staff address needs as they appear, while goods are satisfying to assemble and easy to share with children or a group. Asking the recipient organization which it prefers settles the question in one conversation.
Can I bring wine as a gift to someone in a care facility?
Usually not without permission. Residential facilities set policies on alcohol, medications commonly interact with it, and staff need to know what has been brought in. Ask first, and treat the answer as final.